Moscow Mule Recipe
By Neleigh Olson
Ingredients
yellow hair
golden showers
systemic misogyny
an angry base
James Bond villains (Russian)
Twitter account
Directions
First, respond bigly, and I mean in a number one way, a terrific way, with the best words, to the number one tricky to our great nation. DO NOT COMPLETE SENTENCES. Keep one foreign friend under wraps, because you have so many friends it’s incredible, and these are the best, I mean smart, powerful people who. EXCLAMATION POINTS!!! Raise the temperature with coal we’re bringing coal back in big way, let me tell you, then beat the angry base with the idea they’ve been beaten long enough while sitting on a golden throne. TWEET ABOUT THIS. Declare the Russians good friends, tremendous friends. Shake well the foundation of democracy, decency, and international security. SAD! Distract!
Serve lukewarm, in a steady stream while your wife eats strings of diamonds. Pairs well with the most beautiful chocolate bomb cake.
Neleigh Olson is a fiction writer in the University of Kentucky’s MFA in creative writing program.
Photo credit: Kim Alaniz via a Creative Commons license.