A love poem for my sister in revolution

By LJ Hardy

 

Your jaw
set fierce
in the shape of battle
clenched
against the storm
you face
by the weapons
of a life
I long for
when I’m lost here.

My feet grounded
precariously
in the roots of intention
integrities
inconsistencies
in the record of my birth.

Your name
unfamiliar to my lips
like the taste of sweet Lanzones
grown from an earth
where my history
has drawn the blood of yours.

Your eyes
traveling the grounds of sinew
landscapes of war.

My love
knows what I want
from you
to fill anemic spaces
market forces
American skin.

To draw
surplus from your bones
for stories
poems.

To build factories
fill emptiness
with crunch
Balut
baby ducks
in eggs
slivers of fish
for breakfast
dried.

Chants from jeepneys
passing cities
apples cost more than mangoes
you say
pointing out
an example I will draw on a thousand whiteboards
guiding students
smash imperialism
Imperyalismo Ibaksak!

Pristinely perfect rice
hungry bile
from long days and nights of protest
in sun
on floors
a bucket of glue.

Surplus capital
Me plus you.

 


LJ Hardy is an anthropologist engulfed in the world of academia where she researches and writes about health equity and social justice. After a life-threatening illness and the politics of 2017, she has gained the clarity to realize that it is time to write from the heart. She lives in the Arizona mountains with her daughter, 3 dogs, 14 chickens, and two ducks.

Photo credit: molybdena via a Creative Commons license.

Nabokov Shuffled

By Rony Nair

 

attention spans close in on revolving doors

where Russian roulette is doled out for free in carotid bands, in naked lunches that cavort in restless smiles—the buddha lay somnolent as a vegetable while you cut me off

and said you had to go. 3 seconds into somnolence where we take deep breaths and wade in

a second adolescence. selfish as always, selfless in doling out epithet and time.

clocks whose second hands circle left hands touching tumors on your spine.

lurching forward they cling to new buddhas of suburbia

revving in, all newness and culverts

raised in purple haze, long engagements entrapping only the parents of holy cows, anxious as ever

to sever their own triptych memories of surrender.

 

ripped up pieces of Piscean horror, innuendo

explodes across November rains and shattered plates, over mid-western skies fumigated with grass and marijuana spines. legalized in cavorting around.

our demise.

 


Rony Nair has been a worshipper at the altar of prose and poetry for almost as long as he could think. They have been the shadows of his life. He is a poet, photographer and a part-time columnist. His professional photography has been exhibited and been featured in several literary journals. His poetry and writings have been featured by Chiron Review, Sonic Boom, The Indian Express, Mindless Muse, Yellow Chair Review, New Asian Writing (NAW), The Foliate Oak Magazine, Open Road Magazine, Tipton Review, and the Voices Project, among other publications. He cites V.S. Naipaul, A.J. Cronin, Patrick Hamilton, Alan Sillitoe, John Braine and Nevil Shute in addition to F. Scott Fitzgerald as influences on his life; and Philip Larkin, Dom Moraes and Ted Hughes as his personal poetry idols. Larkin’s collected poems would be the one book he would like to die with. When the poems perish, as do the thoughts!

Photo credit: Woodcut illustration of the zodiac sign Pisces used by Alexander and Samuel Weissenhorn of Ingolstadt, from Provenance Online Project.

Two Poems by D. R. James

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Still

It all recurs for the maimed, how they remain,
or don’t, atop the plots of the buried. Those
who could do something table the question.
They relax in the rocker of their certainty,
a war, any war, an abstraction that walls off
the bursting specifics. A twenty-something friend
found he’d deployed to sort body parts. Arrayed,
they’d survive the fever sweeping a land we
could never know. Welcomed by the white-blue
atrium of a foreign sky, he’d prowl his perimeter
until his duty tapped him. Then the oven-sun
would relight his nightmare, the categories
of bone and flesh his production line. What
achievement could signal his success? What
dream in the meantime could relieve raw nerve?
The perfect tour would end when he was still
in one piece, a nation’s need ignoring the gore
behind the games, the horror nestling into
the still-living because still in one piece.

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OK, Here’s What We Do: An Allegory

Well, we enlarge the grown-up table for
the far-flung fragments of our Family.
Here’s our current Winter spent in agony,
here’s our disrespected Sister, here is War
that mushrooms undiminished, glibly tears
our global Soul to slivers. And here We are;
and here’s a Brute beside us so bizarre
that nearly nothing else we’ve known compares—
as if we’d acceded to some greater Hell.
Ah, but here’s what’s left of human Dignity.
Seated here’s Resolve to trample Travesty.
But there’s our Greatest Fear that’s hard to quell. …
Hey, this isn’t fatalistic Falderal!
We must make sure the table’s set for All.

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D. R. James’s six collections include Since Everything Is All I’ve Got, Why War, and Split-Level. Poems and prose have appeared in various journals, including, Coe Review, Dunes Review, Friends of William Stafford Newsletter, HEArt Online, Hotel Amerika, North Dakota Quarterly, Passager, Rattle, The Sow’s Ear Poetry Review, and Sycamore Review, and anthologies, including, Ritual to Read Together: Poems in Conversation with William Stafford and Poetry in Michigan / Michigan in Poetry. His new collection, If god were gentle, was published by Dos Madres Press in December 2017. James lives in Saugatuck, Michigan, and has been teaching writing, literature, and peace-making at Hope College for 33 years. Read more about James here.

“Still” first appeared in Tuck, September 14, 2017, and also appears in If god were gentle.

Photo credit: Brad Montgomery via a Creative Commons license.

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What You Need to Know

By Kristi Rabe

 

My 11-year-old son tried to stab me with his fork.

This was 5 seconds after calling me a stupid bitch.

15 seconds after I told him to go to time out.

33 seconds after I found he had played with a lighter and snuck candy from the cupboard.

1 minute after he said, “I love you, Mommy.”

20 minutes after I hugged him while we made lunch together.

An hour after he finished binge watching Pokémon Season: 1 on a lazy President’s Day morning.

A few days after he received no Valentines at school—even though he had spent the evening before making special cards for everyone.

One month after he was last stable and completely lucid.

Six weeks since the onset of the dreaded flu in our home and three weeks of bedrest.

Six months from being released from residential psychiatric care.

One year after the first time he was violent towards others—me.

Eighteen months from the onset of self-harming behaviors.

Two years after diagnosis of rapid cycling bipolar-I, with psychotic effects.

Three years from the onset of hallucinations and voices.

What you really need to know, though, is it happened four days after a man shot 33 children and staff in the halls of a Parkland, Florida, school. And, with almost clockwork precision, the white gunman was outed by news and media as being a lone wolf with mental health issues—not a terrorist or a criminal. Words like deranged and delusional became his signifier, his adjective. Survivors interviewed were not surprised; they talked about his weirdness, temper, obsession with guns, and violence.

I recognized his condition immediately, even before the list of red flags appeared in articles—before the debates on gun laws, mental health, the lack of organized prayer in school, society’s broken family values, bad parenting, and video games.

I am not trying to perpetuate sympathy for this man. His actions are inexcusable. I don’t have sympathy for him. I have empathy for his adoptive mother.

She spent her years not only as his mother, but also as his advocate through special education and problems transitioning to mainstream. She took him to doctors and battled the maze of the mental healthcare system. In the final two years of her life, she made more than two dozen calls to police, dealt with suspension and expulsion and defiance. She had to work at forgiving her child, who was apologetic and remorseful after throwing things across rooms and threatening her—and she was his only advocate until her death, from the flu.

I know exact the vacuum of guilt, fear, pain, and worry where she lived.

It took eight weeks from the onset of severe symptoms for my son to be seen by a doctor. Mild symptoms from prior years were ignored after countless tests showed no physical disease. It took six months of being seen by a doctor and therapist for official psychological testing to be ordered, and another six months before the testing occurred.

Then there are the medications. While many claim the medications the Florida man took are responsible for the carnage, because they’re given freely to stop symptoms instead of helping the root disease, this is not my experience. These medications are highly regulated down to the exact dates I can pick up new prescriptions for my son. Insurance companies also have a say and have rejected prescribed medicines, because they aren’t on their formulary. These medications were prescribed only after every other possible option was explored and years after I first sought medical help.

Medication has never been the focus of his treatment and it is a battle each time his dosages are adjusted, with the withdrawal and lethargy it causes. I would love if this were not my parenting technique, but with the very little we know about how this disease works, the trial and error of powerful narcotics is my only option for keeping my son from hearing and seeing demons, cutting himself, cutting me—stabbing me.

But even in acute care, doctors have tried to stop the medications—despite a cardiologist’s warning that suddenly ceasing the meds could cause cardiac arrest due to my son’s backwards breastbone.

The nurses, like those blaming the dead mother of the gunman and broken families as the cause of America’s shooting epidemic, believed my son’s issues were my fault.

“Stays at our facility are usually a good way to scare children into behaving,” the intake nurse said while I signed his paperwork.

“Well, there’s more to his situation,” I said.

“Do you have limits at home? Kids need stern limits.”

She didn’t hear me. “Like I said, please read the diagnosis paperwork from his psychiatrist.”

She actually laughed. “Oh, we never look at those.”

I persisted. “We came to your facility a year ago and were told you couldn’t help him because you didn’t have the resources. That was before we had a diagnosis. The social worker insisted he come here when we committed him at the ER, even though you previously rejected our application.”

“We know what we’re doing.”

“I am sure you do, but the testing he has been through is extensive. With the possibility of schizophrenia—”

The nurse took a phone call and directed me to sit in the waiting room. Five minutes later, she seemed surprised I was still there.

“Sorry, do you have more questions?”

“Do you think perhaps a transfer to UCLA with their pediatric schizophrenia unit would be better suited for his needs? That’s what the ER doctor thought was best, and the social worker said you could place him correctly after intake.”

“We don’t transfer patients.”

When he was released, I was promised a continued care plan. I didn’t receive anything but a CPS investigation. My son had told the therapist at the acute care facility—who didn’t read the information about his paranoid delusions—that we kicked his butt, literally, when he was in trouble. After hours of interviews, the complaint was dismissed, and I was given a packet of parenting classes and organizations, and a list of domestic violence shelters.

•   •   •

I don’t want to stigmatize others with mental illness. My son is a rare case, having symptoms of not only schizophrenia and bipolar, but also paranoia, OCD, ODD, ADHD, anxiety, and some autism spectrum disorder symptoms. Most do not deal with more than two or three of these illnesses. I know firsthand that the American mental healthcare system is completely broken in a way most cannot comprehend. Every service, every treatment is a battle with bureaucracy or insurance companies or both. We have been rejected from all but a few care centers out of the hundreds I’ve contacted.

So, why write about my son’s mental illness?

Because correlation does not equal causation, but society’s stigmas are not just a vague PC problem.

Because due to his condition, I censor his entertainment. He doesn’t play violent video games. He doesn’t watch violent movies. He is still obsessed with death and destruction.

Because I cannot teach him religious stories. The rainbow of his logic twists the black and white of religious dogma into paranoid delusions.

Because I have to count the positive comments I make to ensure they outnumber the negative comments. I sometimes must search for nice things to say about my own child.

Because he has to be on a formal system to understand how he is behaving. He has no sense of self-control, no impulse control; he doesn’t understand the concept of following rules.

Because my days are mundane drills of routine to save myself from battles and meltdowns. There are no day trips to a park or museum or carnival.

Because after a meltdown, I hold him in my arms and he cries and begs God to not be this way.

Because he has no friends and is considered odd.

Because his fondest wish is to be a minority so he would finally belong to a group.

Because he is convinced if he were somehow someone else, he would be okay.

Because I only get to see the real him, lucid and stable, every few months for a brief week or two.

Because his mood can shift as quickly as his bright green eyes in a storm.

Because I lock my bedroom door at night—out of fear.

Because I watch with jealousy as friends raise children and celebrate milestones.

Because I have to convince myself each day it is worth it to leave my bed and fight again.

Because I do, most days, for him.

Because I love him.

Because I lose my temper more than I like to admit.

Because I sometimes do not like my child.

Because my guilt is my personal, lonely hell.

Because I don’t want my son’s teacher to have a gun near him.

Because I contemplate his possible crimes in the future more than the possibility of his becoming a victim of violence.

Because, if he cannot control his impulses with a fork, I do not believe he has a right to a gun—no matter what men wrote on a piece of parchment more than 200 years ago.

Because I see my son in descriptions of a gunman who murdered 17 people.

Because I feel utterly alone and weak and frustrated and tired and judged.

Because I know the gunman’s mother felt the same.

Because those who use her life and parenting as an argument for or against gun control need to know how it feels.

 


Kristi Rabe is a freelance writer and construction project manager in dreary Moreno Valley, California. She is also the adoptive mother of a child with serious mental health issues and special needs. She received an MFA from UCR Palm Desert, Low-Residency Program in 2014. Her work has been published by Bank Heavy Press and Verdad Magazine. Most recently, she was featured on the Manifest Station’s literary website.

Photo credit: North Carolina National Guard via a Creative Commons license.

National Day of Atonement

By Marc Alan Di Martino

 

Scream at the empty mirror of the sky,
the waiting blue, the blinding cosmic eye,
until your pain lathes the Plutonian rim
of the Solar System.

Scream at the crystal ceiling of the sky
until it cracks up like an electoral map
of the United States, our jagged earthly cry
a collective bootstrap.

 

 


Marc Alan Di Martino is a poet, translator and teacher whose work has been published in Rattle, Verse-Virtual, The Ekphrastic Review, Poetry Salzburg Review, and the Journal of Italian Translation, among others. His interview with award-winning translator and poet Michael Palma was published in Faithful In My Fashion (Chelsea House, 2016).

He currently lives with his wife and daughter in Perugia, Italy, where he works as a teacher of the English language and is an avid skateboarder.

 

Photo credit: Kenneth J. Gill via a Creative Commons license.

Trophies and Ribbons

By Victoria Barnes

 

On a late November morning
toddlers and children drag
their parents’ silky purses
stuffed with glossy trophies and ribbons
to the sewing room.

They embroider golden
monograms,
add coats-of-arms in crewel,
tie silver coins
that dangle from purse seams.

Their parents nod.

By the rose evening
the children sing quietly
of imaginary gardens with lush fruit
and canary gingko trees,
their chores complete.

Suddenly a flash: electrified air
shatters their dreamy songs
and the children scuffle into
a protective circle
without armor or weapons,
holding hands, facing outward,
singing in fear.

Silver coins drop, tinkling.
Monograms sparkle and spark
to ash as the children drop
the purses, scattering
trophies across rocky asphalt,
their parents’ folly exposed
by the flaming wrath of decency.

 


Victoria Barnes is a diehard native Californian who has chopped lettuce, taught creative writing, owned a toy store, and specialized in Montessori education to earn a living. Her Ph.D. is in mythological studies and depth psychology, with research focusing on Rainer Maria Rilke’s Duino Elegies. Her home is in the redwoods of northernmost California where she writes poems and takes photographs. She sneaks out from behind the insulating Redwood Curtain to spend time with family in Philadelphia and Boulder, Colorado, as frequently as possible. Enjoy more of her work here.

Photo credit: Kit-Bacon Gressitt via a Creative Commons license.

Who Will Kneel for You: Artists Speak Out

From The Root

Anna Deavere Smith and a chorus of artists recite the poem “To Kneel,” by Kathy Engel, in support of 2018 NFL protests and the right to dissent, and against racist police violence.

 

 

 

 

 

Visit The Root – Black news, opinions, politics and culture

Cartoon credit:  Drew Sheneman, Newark Star-Ledger (Newark, N.J.), via a Creative Commons license.

Cop Sonnet

By Keith Welch

We’d like to think that all our cops are fearless

that their well-trained minds are sharp and quick

but certainly they’re worse than useless unless

they can tell a pistol from a stick

Or when a suicidal person’s begging

for an ending to their tortured grief

does a policeman’s duty include abetting

desire for a terminal relief?

The cops who will not see us as their equals

will never act as though our lives, too, matter

and so we’ll go on seeing violent sequels

where more of us will end up dead or battered

Of course the real problem: our society;

the driving force: our middle-class anxiety.

 

 


Keith Welch lives in Bloomington, Indiana, where he works at the IU Bloomington Herman B Wells Library. He poetry has been published in Writers Resist, Literary Orphans, and Dime Show Review. He is currently writing a series of poems about how much he hates the winter in Indiana. Read more of Keith’s work at librarymole.wixsite.com/keithwelchpoetry and follow him on Twitter @Outraged_Poet.

Photo Credit: You can’t barricade an idea by Dying Regime via a Creative Commons license.

DNA-Edited Spinner for Hire

By Russell Hemmell

 

Delphis—the Cheerful One—had known it since the beginning. She was going to remember the day the magic of gene editing was discovered in the multifaceted and famously riotous dolphin world.

It could provide a way for the planet to survive climate change, the developers claimed. Once we upgrade, uplift and upscale, we’ll teach the Dumb Ones in Command (read: humans) how to do deal with it.

True or not, the possibility itself was too good to be ignored.

Now, Delphis had expected outrage and disagreements, yet things turned out to be, as often happens, worse than that. Not only was there no consensus among the forty-three species of dolphins inhabiting the seas and the rivers of the blue planet, their quarrels escalated to a full-fledged (holy) war.

Amazon River dolphins—the Elder and Quiet Ones—rallied the rest of the river brethren and shunned the marine cousins away: Nothing can be gained by summoning the devil in the shape of a nasty, alien-looking technology. Weren’t human-devised climate change remedies worse than the ravages themselves? Bugger off. And don’t try to chase us up here, you sinners, or we will feed you to the piranhas.

Delphis was not surprised. Land-bound creatures were always more conservative. Remaining in the same environment all their lives didn’t help them develop an open mind. In the seas, as a matter of fact, positions were more diverse, if not always positive.

Spinners like Delphis and Bottlenoses were definitively interested in a few abilities that could give the clade an edge over the other Earthian species, marine or not, and so were the Pacific White-Sideds, although with somewhat less enthusiasm.

Others were not convinced, and Killer Whales—the (consistently) Worried Ones—were more doubtful than the rest.

Dolphins communicate but don’t talk; they whistle to one another, the naysayers said. Dolphins stay in the sea; they don’t walk around like monstrous bipeds or quadrupeds over a disgusting grey surface. Dolphins certainly do know better than messing with things they can’t manage, say, a past they can’t change, a future they can’t predict, a present they don’t even understand. They’d learnt the hard way to remain in the oceans and do climate change damage control—a time-consuming activity indeed. Dolphins definitively do not interbreed. And with whom—humans, maybe? That’d go in the opposite direction of any DNA upgrade—rational thinking first.

Oh, weren’t you the ones supporting the out-of-the-pond mating? Delphis chirped, immediately fin-slapped by her mother.

Bottlenose-—the-Rebels—were, as usual, the most outspoken (brash) of all species of the clade, using scientific evidence to reinforce their statements and with the clear intent of silencing contrary opinions.

Gene editing was not only good for acquiring skills not inherent to the species—although, they conceded, this was debatable—it was also effective for eradicating diseases, repairing biological damage and, once and for all, fighting those climate change effects their dear human friends seemed unable to understand, let alone to cope with.

Dolphins debated at length pros and cons of the procedure, which gained support especially among the calves, Delphis first of all. A 5-year-old Spinner with considerable migration experience no matter her young age, she was eager to pick up the challenge. What she fancied the most was getting Orca-like black and white spots. And talking, well, she would have loved that, too. Whistles and chirps and blips only worked to a point when it came to communicating with other mammals that didn’t understand the complex dolphin code.

Ethical aspects were also discussed, including the very idea of modifying by engineering something that was maybe better left to Mother Nature and its evolutionary laws.

But, Delphis mused, what if conditions changed and good Mother Nature was just too slow to take care of them? Dinosaurs and other poor Cretaceous creatures had probably made the same considerations, once upon a time.

With power comes responsibility, kids, the wise Clymene dolphins warned, making them all remain in a concerned silence. Extreme upgrade would most likely turn dolphins in the most powerful clade of the entire planet, with the moral duty of securing a future for the others. Are we willing, and, more importantly, are we ready? Once you are able to fly as an eagle and talk as a man endowed with tiger-like fangs and maybe other more esoteric capabilities, you might well start thinking you’re a deity, and be tempted to behave like one.

The brethren were not impressed with what they knew about the human gods.

Time passed by and, after many years of passionate arguments, the worldwide Delphinidae family, all species eventually in agreement, decided to avoid gene editing for the time being: It was too dangerous to mess with something you can’t grasp in all its complexity. A more advanced and wise species, most likely a non-Earthian one, would have to make an informed decision about that, in a far-away future—and, hopefully, deal with climate change, too.

Delphis—the (still) Cheerful One—on the other hand, secretly made the opposite choice. She could, since she belonged to the pond that discovered gene editing in the first place. She got the desired DNA upgrade as a coming-of-age gift and ended up joining one of the marine conservation parks in the Caribbean, working with a mild-mannered marine biologist under an always-shining sun. The scientist taking care of her was smart and willing to learn, already marveling at the unusual, amazing communication capabilities the new Spinner in the swimming pool was demonstrating.

Amazing—and amazed—Delphis had every reason to be so: As she had soon discovered, humans had just begun debating that thorny DNA upgrading issue that for so long had troubled the dolphin world. The science behind it was in its infancy though, she realised: They still called it genome editing, which was something far more primitive.

Clearly, they hadn’t the palest idea about the medium, its possibilities or even where to begin. Apart from playing mad scientists and writing shallow horror stories, their expertise only sufficed for some sheep-cloning, studying the basics of the double helix or messing with fruit fly genes. No DNA swapping or saving the world from greenhouse gas emissions any time soon.

But hey, you have to start somewhere. Delphis was there and keen to help them succeed, one spin at a time.

 


Russell Hemmell is a statistician and social scientist from the U.K., passionate about astrophysics and speculative fiction. Recent stories have appeared in Aurealis, Not One of Us, Third Flatiron, and others, and she was a Finalist in The Canopus 100 Year Starship Awards 2016-2017. Visit her website at earthianhivemind.net and follow her on Twitter: @SPBianchini.

Photo credit. NOAA.

 

Two Poems by Peggy Turnbull

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Kristallnacht, Again

In Indiana, empty-headed cornstalks wave
at the interstate. Peeling wooden crosses
lurk among the goldenrod, forgotten.

Deployed decades ago with evangelical zeal,
they decorated Appalachian highways when
my friend Daniel still lived in West Virginia.

They unleashed his crystal nightmares of Vienna.
He knocked at our screen door, asked,
If they come again, will you hide me?

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July Evening, West Virginia

I gather stunted apples
from the garden
peel them, carve out
their bruised flesh
put them to simmer
with cinnamon

On the radio
a woman’s voice
recollects the death
of a famous poet
how his friends
sat on the floor for hours
attending the old Buddhist
as he slowly let go

I don’t have time to meditate
A child needs me
I stir the pan
certain he will love
whatever I find good

The poet at last surrendered
left his queer poems
to the living
for queer children
to someday find
and gain strength
from the joy of their holiness

We eat and go outside
watch fireflies blink
as the darkness grows

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Peggy Turnbull is a poet and former academic librarian who has worked in public colleges and universities in Texas, West Virginia and Wisconsin. Read her recent poems in Postcard Poems and Prose, Mad Swirl, Nature Writing, and Three Line Poetry. She is a member of the Wisconsin Fellowship of Poets and blogs at peggyturnbull.blogspot.com.

Photo credit: Ashley Harrigan via a Creative Common license.

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Organic Gardening

By Maria Van Beuren

 

It’s a matter of pulling weeds

And laying them down where they can rot

And feed the plants you want.

When weeds are small,

They require you to claw in their dirt,

But then you learn to let them grow large

And fat on rain and sun—

They grow confident,

Their grip less desperate,

And they are easy to uproot.

 


Maria van Beuren is an indexer, editor, and poet who lives in New Hampshire, where she runs Toad Hall Poets’ and Artists’ retreats for writers, artists, and musicians. She also wrangles six dogs and five chickens in her “spare time.”

Photo credit: Beyond DC via a Creative Commons license.

Brown, Orange, and Beige Like Caramel

By Alexander Schuhr

 

“Maybe you want to play with him,” the woman says, leading the little girl toward a toddler sitting in the sand. The boy doesn’t need anybody to play with. He is completely absorbed with his task of shoveling sand into a bucket. Nevertheless, this woman seems terribly eager to see her girl join him in this endeavor. She proceeds to drag her child away from my daughter.

For my daughter, the fact that everybody has a different color is as self-evident as mundane. Her stuffed dinosaur is green, her plush duck is yellow, and she has a pink teddy bear. Similarly, mommy is brown. (A more accurate description than “black.”) Daddy is orange. (Inaccurate, as far as I’m concerned, but so is “white.”) She describes herself as “beige like caramel,” sometimes clarifying “like Leela,” an Indian-American character in Sesame Street, portrayed by the actress Nitya Vidyasagar. (Comparable complexion, though different ethnicity—but why would she care about that?) In the protected world of our home, I have a comparably innocent approach to skin color. In the outside world, however, a different reality imposes itself.

In the two years of her life, my daughter has undergone a complex transformation of racial identity, unbeknownst to her. For some time after her birth, her complexion remained very similar to mine, and her hair was straight. People considered her Caucasian. On more than one occasion, my wife was asked, with an insolent tone of disbelief, if she was the mother. Then, there was an extended period of ambiguity. The child’s hair became curlier. Her once milky skin tone turned into café au lait, still with lots of milk but just enough coffee to keep people guessing. Few would guess out loud, of course. People feel much too uncomfortable talking about race. I’ve seen them several times, the relieved expressions on faces, like when a bothersome puzzle is solved, when either my wife or I appeared next to the other, thus clarifying my daughter’s race.

Her skin became only slightly darker. At some point, she must have crossed a threshold, though, and the “one-drop rule” went into effect. Then she was no longer “ambiguous” but “black.” Suddenly it was an overwhelming majority of black people, occasionally other “people of color,” who would interact with her, call her cute, and tell me how beautiful she is.

Along with her apparent transformation to “blackness,” came my worry that she may be subjected to the same vicious, sneaky forces that I’ve seen too many times applied to my wife. Social scientists call them “new racism” or “racial microaggressions,” these subtle traces of racial bias in everyday situations. They are faint symptoms of a social disease, well known to virtually any minority group, yet often unacknowledged by the Caucasian majority. They are harder to spot than the hateful slogans of the white supremacist with the swastika tattoo, the degrading slurs of the hooded clansman, or even the thinly disguised attacks of the populistic demagogue that are effortlessly decoded by his intended audience. No, new racism is subtler, less identifiable. It is conveyed by the flight attendant whose cheerful demeanor becomes cold and distant when serving an Asian passenger, by the group of giggling co-eds that turns silent when the Hispanic classmate enters the lecture theater, or the motorist who, while waiting for the green light, feels compelled to lock the car when he spots the Black pedestrian on the sidewalk. The ambiguity of these signals makes it difficult to identify their nature. Each isolated incident may be vague and open to alternative interpretations, but their aggregation makes all doubt vanish.

And now there is that woman, who pushes her daughter away from mine, toward the deeply absorbed toddler with the shovel. She gives me a nervous smile, which reveals uneasiness as well as defiance. I don’t smile back. While I feel offended by her action, I cannot be certain of its meaning. Part of the viciousness of subtle racism lies in its obscurity to the recipient, and sometimes even the perpetrator. Consequently, I find myself wondering whether I am too suspicious. Maybe it’s innocent. Maybe she knows the little boy and fears he is lonely or bored. Maybe she fears older kids (my daughter is not older than hers, but unusually tall for her age). Maybe she fears me, the only dad on the playground. I try to find other explanations, but cannot ignore the one reason that seems to be an obvious possibility, and I dread the day this reason may appear equally possible to my little girl.

Yet, it is a bitter truth that she will become aware of racism in its subtle and not so subtle forms. And it is my duty to prepare her, so that she will be able to identify the deficiency in the senders of such messages and never attribute it to herself. It is a duty I face with the utmost determination, but also with profound sadness. I cherish our protected world, where people are simply brown, orange, or beige like caramel.

 


Alexander Schuhr is an author, essayist, and scholar. He was born and raised in Munich, Germany. Before coming to the United States, he lived in various countries in Europe and Sub-Saharan Africa. He holds an M.A. in political science and a Ph.D. in economics. He writes fiction and creative nonfiction.

Photo credit: Kevin Pelletier via a Create Commons license.

This essay previously appeared in Brain, Child Magazine and The Good Men Project.

Our Love Exists in Shadows

By David Hanlon

They are like the sun—
all-seeing, blazing
down on us
from unreachable heights.

We can’t look directly
at them, for, as tempers
flare, they will incinerate

our eyes, cast scalding
hot rays and finish off
our faces.

And where can we go?
Only the shadows
can offer us a home,
where we can be
comfortable,
affectionate;
where the holding of hands,
the caressing of fingers,
won’t go up in flames,
before,
simmering with anger
on the tip of your tongue
you can say,
with great conviction,
or try to—
I hope that made you feel good.

Our love exists in the shadows—
and if it must, I know
we’ll let love flourish
within these shaded boundaries:
create our own
light-source.

Now, when the sun people look down
at their shadows, on a bright
yet humid afternoon,
and watch how we dance
with unbridled joy,
how we animate
a perennial warmth,
they’ll suddenly feel,
even if for a short while,
a burning
loneliness.

And we,
we are light-keepers,
light-bearers,
predisposed
to love
in dark places.

 

 


David Hanlon is from Cardiff, Wales, and lives in Bristol, England. He has a BA in Film Studies and is training part-time as a counselor/psychotherapist. He has been writing poetry over the last two years, drawing mostly on his life experiences. You can find his work online at Ink, Sweat & Tears, Fourth & Sycamore, Eunoia Review, Amaryllis, Scarlet Leaf Review, One Sentence Poems, Anti-Heroin Chic, and Leaves of Ink, and it is forthcoming in Déraciné Magazine. You can follow David on Twitter @DavidHanlon13.

Photo credit: NASA.

Fireweed

By Karen Shepherd

The fireweed flowers push back, clusters pink:

defiant color breaking through the grim

scorched landscape. Spikes of petals linked

to capsules bearing silky seeds that swim

through summer smoke, volcanic flow, the bomb’s

destruction. Wispy parachutes released

by wind, the fluffy strands transport with calm

the cells’ reminder that there might be peace.

She spreads her seeds to places dark and far

and colonizes meadows left to mourn.

Persistent despite the earth’s burning wars,

she always will find ways to be reborn.

A shadow’s cast in our national sky.

Small hopes she holds on stems that reach so high.

 


Karen Shepherd is a public school administrator who enjoys reading, writing and reflecting on the small moments in daily life. She lives with her husband and two teenagers in the Pacific Northwest, where she kayaks, walks in forests and listens to the rain. Her poems and fiction have been published in riverbabble, Literally Stories, CircleShow, Sediments Literary Art Journal, Dime Show Review, The Society of Classical Poets and Poets Reading the News.

Photo credit: Flaezk via a Creative Commons license.

Two Poems by Leslie McGrath

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Agnostic

She with
her sac
of eggs
strung between
curved wall
& clapper
doesn’t know
her world’s
a bell.

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Estrangement

Ripped
at the seams

the garment
laid out
for viewing

is a garment no longer

Child from mother
from sister from brother

Each an ostracism
ultimately
of the self

No punishment’s
more intimate
than this

in which
she who suffers most
the absence, loses.

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Leslie McGrath is the author of two full-length poetry collections, Opulent Hunger, Opulent Rage (2009) and Out from the Pleiades (2014), and two chapbooks. McGrath’s third collection, Feminists Are Passing from Our Lives, will be published in April 2018 by The Word Works. Winner of the Pablo Neruda Prize for Poetry (2004), she has been awarded residencies at Hedgebrook and the Vermont Studio Center, as well as funding from the CT Commission on the Arts and the Beatrice Fox Auerbach Foundation. Her poems and interviews have been published widely, including in Agni, Poetry magazine, The Academy of American Poets, The Writer’s Chronicle, and The Yale Review. McGrath teaches creative writing at Central CT State University and is series editor of The Tenth Gate, a poetry imprint of The Word Works Press.

Photo credit: Mon Oeil via a Creative Commons license.

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Dragoness

By Kayla Bashe

 

russet, maroon, and burgundy, darker even than flame

like roses; not the cloying petals, but the green heart of their living, sharp and fresh (call her a dream without a name)

lindworm, sigil hoard

narrowing into ultraviolet above abrasive glowing scales, daring the world to answer for its sins

polished like summer-thunderstorm air over the luminous, icemelt under the sun.

transformative anger. She is made of fire.

 


Kayla Bashe is a student at Sarah Lawrence College. Her fiction and poetry have appeared in Strange Horizons, Liminality Magazine, Mirror Dance, Ink and Locket’s Warriors anthology, Breath and Shadow, and Cicada magazine. She has also released several novellas. Find her on Twitter at @KaylaBashe.

Image credit: Clix Renfew via a Creative Commons license.

Heaven Can’t Wait

By Dean Liscum

Less than 48 hours after the mass murder of 26 people in a church in Sutherland Springs, Texas, investigators are pursuing a theory that the attack was planned by the congregation itself. They were tipped off by Fox News host, Ainsley Earhardt.

During an interview with Texas Governor Greg Abbott, Earhardt suggested that she and her co-workers of faith thought a church was the best place to be shot. She reasoned, as much as a Fox News host can, that being shot in a Christian sanctuary was the best of all possible scenarios. “We’re all going to die,” she pointed out, “so it doesn’t get any better than dying while close to Christ and asking for forgiveness.”

That comment got the local sheriff to thinking. “The proximity to Jesus makes this scene a perfect place for a self-assassination,” he said enviously.

According to the department’s latest theory, the attacker was actually managed by Heaven Can’t Wait LLC.

Our researchers have found that Heaven Can’t Wait’s incorporation papers state it is an organization that traffics in end-of days and rapture fantasies. It advertises that it is uniquely qualified to “hurry you to Heaven.”

The company website, recently shut down, indicates their only product offering is “Expedition to Eternity,” product code E2E.

The E2E kit includes detailed plans for:

  • How to recruit a member, or friend of a member, or a disgruntled ex-in-law to be the “hero”
  • Where churchgoers should stand to receive their hollow-point blessings
  • When the deliverance should take place.

The offering also comes with several package add-ons, including:

  • A choice of weaponry: AR-15, AR-15 with banana clip, AR-15 with automatic firing kit
  • Costume options including: Disgruntled Postal Worker, Black Ops Wannabe, and Open Carry White Guy
  • Pre-scripted social media post packages designed to throw investigators off the real motive behind the attack. Options include: Domestic Issues, Hillary’s Emails, and Failure to Apply Oneself in School, Thus Unable to Get the Job They Didn’t Work Hard Enough to Earn and So It’s the Immigrant’s Fault.

The plan outlines how the shooter should prepare for and execute the “mission of mercy.” It also provides tips for “recipients of eternity” to ease the process.

Once the “expeditor” has performed his duties, the white male leaves the sanctuary by foot or automobile. When alone, he’s instructed to dial into the company’s private confession hotline, which is outsourced to Bangalore, India; confess to “hurrying along to Heaven” his fellow churchgoers and the suicide that he’s about to commit; ask for and receive forgiveness prior to the act; and then finish the job by shooting himself with a silver bullet that has been pre-blessed and disinfected.

The lead investigator is certain that his theory is correct, but he says it will be hard to prove. The owner of Heaven Can’t Wait is one of the alleged “willing victims.” Authorities suspect that because of shooting’s finality, it was conducted as an exchange of services and not a monetary transaction. Thus, no money changed hands, which makes it difficult to trace.

“Worst of all,” added the town comptroller, who also serves as its coroner, “it’s not taxable.”

“It just doesn’t seem fair,” said one of the junior detectives and a member of the congregation who skipped church that day. “The perpetrators get to escape prosecution and all the evils of this mortal coil. They expedite themselves and their loved ones to an eternal reward, and the rest of us have to clean up the mess.”

Law enforcement organizations and Chambers of Commerce across the country worry about copycats. “This could get bigly.” The comptroller/coroner said. “Once this heavenly business model gets out, we expect it to flourish in Texas, Florida, and anywhere else that people love god and guns, and hate taxes.”

 


Dean Liscum lives in Houston, Texas and writes fiction. Sometimes it works. Other times, not so much.

 

Plato says–

By Elisabeth Horan

Nothing in the affairs of men is worthy of great anxiety
&^%$$%*!
Ahem, the affairs of women, now let’s examine that

Breakups
Acne
Skinny
Not skinny
Fat as hell
Beauty Contests
Potlucks

Hurricane Sandys
Our Babies
Sandy Hooks
Our Chilluns
Fergusons
Nuestros Hijos/as
Border walls
Familias separadas
Harvey/Irma/Jose/Maria

Trumps/Putins/Pences/Fences
Congress/Senate/Selfish/Impasse
Health insurance/Obamacare/Medicaid/Medicare
Is Obama ok, where is he now?

Money
The 99%
The 1%

Polar Bears
Melty winters
Choices, choices, choices
Decisions, decisions, decisions
Cancer
Thyroid
Pills, pills, pills

Mother/Father
Alzheimer’s
Sons/Daughters
Bullies
Teasing
Eating Disorders
Driving permits
Hymens
Condoms
Abortion/adoption/PMS/infertility/fertility/C-section/menopause
Vaginas
Pussies

Senility
Lucidity
Addiction
Addiction
Addiction
Therapy

Death, death, death –
Losing
Winning
Knowing

 


Elisabeth Horan is a poet mother student lover of kind people and animals, homesteading in Vermont with her tolerant partner and two young sons. She hopes the earth can withstand us and that humans may learn to be more kind to each other and to Mother Nature. She was recently featured in Quail Bell Magazine and Dying Dahlia Review. She has work forthcoming at The Occulum, Alexander & Brook and at Switchgrass Review. Elisabeth is a 2018 MFA candidate at Lindenwood University and teaches at River Valley Community College in New Hampshire. Follow her on Twitter @ehoranpoet.

Image credit: Plato’s Academy. Mosaic from Pompeii (Villa of T. Siminius Stephanus). Second style. Early 1st century B.C. Inv. No. 124545. Naples, National Archaeological Museum.

In the Dark

By Sarah Sutro

how to survive
a long
disconnect,
a winter
of nationalist
intent,
a reduction
of feeling?

this morning the
green slate on
the window sill
glows blue,
under pots
of flowers and
bulbs
raw edges
like edges in a
gorge upstate,
shale-layered
rivers,
like pressed layers
of filo dough
in fine pastry

snow on
far buildings
also blue-
like early
moonlight –
more snow
expected
this afternoon

can you see
a flower in the dark –
huge bell-shaped
blossoms like
horns blaring
from the stem?

or make a cup
of tea
in the dark,
feel for bag of
wet leaves –
guess consistency,
how dark?
add milk. …

about our own future:

dark night already –
laws rescinded,
rights gone,
a strict new reality.
is there death of a
country as there is
of the body?
where does light
go
when there is
no lamp?

a multi-celled
being,
a large tree
or animal,
each cell
connected to the
other
so we can
speak,
breathe,
as one

we must be
the underlying
slate that
sits out
time until
running water
begins to
move the
rivers again


Sarah Sutro is a poet and painter. Her work is published in numerous magazines and books, including Amsterdam Quarterly, Panorama: Journal of the Intelligent Traveler, Rockhurst Review, The Big Chili, Greylock Independent, and in the anthologies Improv, From the Finger Lakes, Bangkok Blondes, Unbearable Uncertainty, Life Stories and Ithaca Women’s Anthology. Author of a poetry chapbook, Etudes, and a book of essays, COLORS: Passages through Art, Asia and Nature, she was a finalist for the Robert Frost Award, the Mass. Artists Foundation Poetry Grant, and won fellowships at MacDowell Colony, Millay Colony, Ossabaw Island Foundation, Blue Mountain Center, and the American Academy in Rome. She lives in the Berkshires, in Massachusetts, and you can see some of her artwork at Blue Mount Center.

Photo credit: Thomas S. Hansson via a Creative Commons license.

 

Proofreader

By Kris Faatz

 

On the day the world finally changed, Cinny had her feet up on the end of the bunk in her prison cell and her nose in a lame women’s magazine. Today marked her seventeenth day at Washington D.C.’s Correctional Facility for Troubled Women. Seventeen days out of the three thousand, six hundred and fifty-two she had been sentenced for her career as a professional thief. Already she knew she would rather read toilet paper than these dumb magazines, which were printed by order of the Devoted Patriot—on actual paper, no less—and were the only things CFTW inmates were allowed to read. Supposedly they rehabbed you into a real American woman.

Cinny was staring at the dumbest of the articles when one of the stoolies came to the door. The cell doors stood open all day, prison rules. Over the top of the magazine, Cinny saw the stoolie stop and reach out to knock anyway, and then pull her hand back like the door was one of the Devoted Patriot’s army of undercover cops, ready to do a Screengrab on her. Like any Screengrab could matter when you were already inside this pisshole.

“Cinnabar Jackson?”

Cinny went on staring at the article, about how to program your i-Serve personal assistant to style your permed hair with just the right bounce. As if anybody in here was allowed an i-Serve, and as if Cinny had ever had a perm. Her blonde hair hung perfectly straight. She’d chopped it off boy-length five years ago, the same time she’d started thieving.

“Cinnabar Jackson!”

Cinny let the magazine flop onto her chest, but didn’t sit up. “Yeah?”

She didn’t recognize this stoolie. The guards changed them out all the time. This stoolie was tall, way taller than Cinny’s five-zilch, and strong-built, with dark skin and dark hair tied up in a knot. The dark ones outnumbered the pale ones in here, dozens to one. Most of them liked to throw their weight around when they could. Christ knew they couldn’t do it outside.

“Warden wants to talk to you,” the stoolie said.

Cinny still didn’t move. “Hell did I do?”

“Hell should I know? She just said bring you in. So get up.”

No doubt she figured that tiny, lily-white Cinny wouldn’t want to mess with someone almost twice her size. Cinny was built like a dancer, and people forgot how strong dancers had to be. But what the hell. Not like Cinny was doing anything else.

The stoolie led her through the CFTW Ward 7 maze. Built ten years ago, at the start of the Devoted Patriot’s first term, the prison was designed to be riot-proof. No hall led in a straight line: They were all zigzags and curves, with random corridors branching off and cornering back around in strange ways. It would take a long time to memorize the map.

Cinny knew she was lucky not to have see the inside of a CFTW a long time ago. Crime wasn’t supposed to work anymore, now that Screengrabs were standard. Screengrabs were the DNA samples the undercover cops could take from anybody, any time. Someone brushing against you on the street could be a cop, and he would run your Screengrab against his database implants and know everything about you in an instant. The tech should have meant that criminals had nowhere to hide. Of course, Cinny thought, the prisons stayed full anyway, especially the CFTWs.

The stoolie, who had a map implant, led Cinny down yet another corridor. At the end of it, there was an open door, a narrow gray room, and a woman who could have been anybody’s grandmother except for the stun pistol in her belt.

“The prisoner, ma’am,” the stoolie said. She pushed Cinny inside and swung the heavy metal door shut behind her.

Granny Warden pointed to a metal chair, the only piece of furniture in the room. “Sit.”

Cinny obeyed. You didn’t mess with wardens. She had been hit once with a stun pistol, only once.

“Cinnabar,” the warden said. “The color of passion. Also poison.”

Cinny couldn’t hide her surprise. Nobody else in the legal system had looked twice at her name. “A gifted thief,” Granny went on, standing in front of Cinny and sizing her up as if Cinny was an i-Serve the warden was thinking of buying. “Pickpocketing. Cat burglary. Felony misdemeanor sheet considerably longer than the average arm. An amazing career, all told.”

Cinny didn’t have to answer. It was all true. She had lifted wallets out of pockets and purses, picked locks and skimmed through houses, making no more noise than a breeze. Nothing had felt better than the rush of the score, but in the end, she couldn’t do it forever. Nothing lasted forever, except the Devoted Patriot.

Granny sized her up again. “It seems to me, you’re wasting your talents in here.”

If they wanted to make her a stoolie, they could guess again. Cinny kept her face blank. Then Granny said, “You’re such a talented thief, you could almost be a cop.”

Cinny’s mouth opened on its own. “What?”

The warden smiled for the first time. Cinny revised her first idea of the woman. No grandmother could smile like that: wickedness crystallized.

The warden said, “You know about Screengrabs, but I’ll bet you’ve never heard of Proofreading.”

Cinny shook her head. “I’ll explain,” the warden said. “And I might have a job for you.”

•     •     •

A month later, Cinny left the city she had lived in all her life. She drove the car she’d been given, a 2027 Ford Ultra, north to Baltimore and then caught the big east-west route toward Cumberland, out in the country. Traffic unclogged west of Frederick until she was humming alone down a slash of pavement with nothing but green on either side, as far as the eye could see.

Countryside made Cinny nervous. She liked crowds and big solid buildings, shadows that swallowed her up, tangles of people that left pursuers confused. Out here, she had nowhere to take cover. She also had not one but two sets of new implants, which Rose Taylor—Granny Warden’s real name—had promised Cinny she wouldn’t feel, but that wasn’t true. Cinny thought her brain was jammed up with all the new data stuffed into it. And then, last but certainly not least, there was what Cinny was supposed to do now. What, in fact, she was now.

She’d gotten basic police training in two weeks. As Officer Taylor said, Cinny already had the most important skills a cop needed. She could be fast and sneaky, use her brain and lie through her teeth—as well as the cops or better. After all, it had taken them five years to catch her. Screengrabs were just like pickpocketing: you snagged a piece of hair or brushed your hand against someone’s skin. And Cinny had exactly the right looks. Pale skin and blonde hair got you anywhere you wanted these days. They would especially get her into her final destination, at the end of this road.

The other two weeks of training she’d had were the elite stuff. The stuff nobody knew about yet, because it had come straight out of the CFTW.

Officer Taylor had explained it all on Cinny’s last day as a CFTW inmate. “We’ve waited a long time,” the warden had said. “It’s taken years of careful setup.” Cinny couldn’t believe her ears when she heard what had been going on in the prison, right under the Devoted Patriot’s sizeable nose. “Nobody thought to watch us,” the warden said. “Women aren’t smart enough to cause real trouble, you know.” She flashed her smile. “Everything’s ready, but we needed the right agent. You, Cinnabar, are it.”

So Cinny had learned about Proofreading. The skill worked a lot like a Screengrab, except backwards, and with a couple of other differences. One of the biggest was that once done, it couldn’t be undone. When you used the skill on someone, they would feel its effects forever. Proofreading, Officer Taylor said, would throw some serious sand into the Devoted Patriot’s gears. After ten long years, the CFTW women believed they had found a way to bring the Patriot’s great machine down.

By the time the afternoon sun had turned orange, Cinny had made it to the end of the road. The Devoted Patriot’s country manor.

The Patriot was eighty years old now. He refused to live in Washington anymore, but Cinny knew he hadn’t wanted this place either. He had no interest in the outdoors because he wouldn’t find any mirrors there to admire his reflection, and the trees weren’t covered in gold paint. Somehow, though, his top advisors had persuaded him that this custom-built mansion would be a smart move, a sop to prove he actually did give a shit about woods.

Cinny bet, as she drove up the long path from the gatehouse, that the one thing he’d liked about this property was watching the trees cut down so the mansion could be built. She hung onto that thought to distract herself from the idea of what she was going to have to do now.

Passion. Also poison.

Cinny was no soft vanilla cupcake. She’d had her share of men over the years, especially ones who got off on increasingly rare female smarts, but this was different.

Officer Taylor had explained the setup. The Patriot was between wives again. The CFTW in D.C. gave him the goods to satisfy his appetite. Officer Taylor had told Cinny it gave her no small taste of satisfaction to know that when Cinny did her job, no other women would be sent to the manor. And the best part was, Cinny matched the image of the Patriot’s ideal woman so perfectly that his security would rush her straight to him. Nobody would think, for instance, that she, unlike all the other inmates, carried no GPS tracker or electroshock system to make sure she went back to prison.

And they wouldn’t think to search her for the goods she did carry. So small, but so powerful, fixed inside the right cup of her black satin bra.

The mansion stood at the top of the drive. Glaring white, low-slung, and sprawling, it looked to Cinny like an enormous half-melted marshmallow. Already one of the security guards, in his red-white-and-blue uniform, was hurrying down the front steps. The Patriot was expecting her.

Cinny parked the car at the near end of the lot, closest to the end of the drive. When she smoothed her hair in the rearview mirror, the blue eyes peering back at her looked worried.

The hell are you doing this for?

Because prison was boring as fuck, and this had sprung her out years ahead of time. But not just for that.

Cinny smoothed down the long sleeves of her tight black dress and quickly slipped out of the loafers she’d driven in, exchanging them for black patent-leather heels. No, she wasn’t doing this just so she wouldn’t have to go back to a cell. There were the magazines, and the Screengrabs, and the fact that the cops behaved like criminals until a criminal like Cinny herself made a better cop. There were all the other women who’d been sent here to the manor. Over her few weeks in prison, Cinny had heard stories about the Devoted Patriot’s appetite for those women, how he reached out and grabbed them like a baby would grab a cookie, how he pawed them and slobbered and used them up knowing that when he did, somebody would hand him another. And there was the fact that it didn’t pay to be a smart woman or to have too-dark skin or to talk too loud or too often.

Long and short, there was everything the past ten years had been, ever since the Devoted Patriot came along. There was everything those years had meant.

Cinny pushed the car door open. Her heels clicked like pistol shots on the pavement. Time to do this thing.

•     •     •

Afterward, nobody was quite sure what had happened.

The Devoted Patriot’s security had left him alone with the blonde woman from the prison. CFTW inmates were never any trouble. The Patriot’s guards certainly knew that the one thing you never, ever did was interrupt the boss when he was “in a briefing.”

So nobody knew quite when this last briefing had ended. Nobody knew when or how the blonde woman had gotten out of the bedroom, out of the mansion itself, into her car and away. It was almost dawn when the guards realized the car had gone. Then somebody took his courage in both hands and forced his way into the bedroom, with two other guards behind.

They found the Patriot stark naked, curled up on the floor. At first they assumed the worst, but then the old man looked up at them with the wide eyes of a three-year-old and whispered, “I want to go home.”

They couldn’t get anything else out of him. Not then, not later, not even when his advisors came and begged him to pull himself together; told him the wolves were at the door, the hurricane was blowing, the wrath of God had come upon them. In short, the whole machine built by years of power was falling to pieces faster than a paper umbrella in a monsoon. They needed him, the one who’d held onto control with brute force, the one who’d stomped out the warring factions and ruined the pawns who had stood against him. Now the factions smelled blood and swarmed in, and the pawns came riding up with their swords out, but the Patriot, for ten years untouchable, had gone into his second childhood. No warning. No preparation. No instructions for those he left behind.

They never found the blonde woman. It wouldn’t have done much good, but at least they could have learned what the fingernail-sized plastic thing on the back of the Patriot’s neck was for.

•     •     •

At two in the morning, after completing her mission, Cinny slipped out of the bedroom window with no more noise than a breeze. Carrying the patent leather heels in one hand, she ran barefoot along the back wall of the mansion. Her black dress blended into the dark.

“Proofreaders,” Officer Taylor had told her, “find mistakes, of course. They also correct them.”

Once the Patriot had Cinny on her back in his bed, she’d used all the skill she had to make sure he only paid attention to one thing. It wasn’t too hard. His appetites were huge and simple. He never felt the light tap that affixed the plastic device to the back of his neck.

With Screengrabs, you analyzed a person’s DNA. Proofreaders went a step further. They studied your brain activity patterns, your eye movement, and your body’s electromagnetic signals, and compared them against a second, highly specialized database. The CFTW women had put that database together after years of carefully compiled research. The data covered things like the way your pulse sped up when you told a lie, the way your pupils dilated when you saw something you liked, the way some parts of your brain woke up when you felt excited and other parts got busy when you were depressed.

Warden Taylor had explained it all to Cinny in more detail than Cinny could take in. She got the idea, though, that long story short, Proofreaders could read your mind.

Thank Christ, Cinny thought as she rounded the mansion and saw her car sitting at the far end of the lot, that the Patriot’s cops had never gotten hold of this new tech. Not least because, once you had all the information about your subject’s thoughts, a good Proofreader could turn those thoughts right around and send them back to their point of origin.

What the Proofreader had done was very simple. No one else, in eighty years, had managed it. It had shown the Patriot exactly who he was on the inside, stripped of all the trappings of a lifetime. While Cinny satisfied his body, she had given the device time to dig deep enough to find out the things he had always known about himself. And when the technology turned those truths around and plastered them inside his brain where he couldn’t look away, oh, what a job they had done.

Guards didn’t pay much attention this late at night, out in the country, when the only outsider in the mansion was a prison woman. Nobody was even out on the front porch when Cinny made it back to the car. After tonight, she thought, they might decide to be more careful, but after tonight it would be too late.

To be safe, she didn’t turn on the headlights until she got out of sight of the house. The guard at the gate, assuming she was going back to the CFTW like all the others, opened it for her without a word.

Cinny sped down the dark highway. In her head she saw the Patriot again, curled up helpless on the floor, lost inside a truth he had avoided all his life.

Passion, Cinny thought, hugging the picture tight. And poison.

 


Kris Faatz’s short fiction has appeared in Kenyon Review Online, Potomac Review, Reed, and other journals. Her debut novel, To Love A Stranger, was a finalist for the 2016 Schaffner Press Music in Literature Award, and was released May 2017 by Blue Moon Publishers (Toronto). Kris has been a contributor at the Sewanee Writers’ Conference and a contributor and teaching fellow at the Kenyon Review Writers Workshops. She is a manuscript consultant, pianist, and teacher. Visit her online at krisfaatz.com.

Photo credit: Starchild from 2001: A Space Odyssey.