A Dystopian Declaration
By David H. Reinarz
Following close on the heels of a surprisingly resurgent 45th President and the disappointing turnout by the Resistance in the 2018 mid-term elections, due to chaos fatigue and disorganization, the extremist wing of the Republican Party swept into even greater power in Washington, D.C. This document was issued by the Congress in joint session.
In Congress, July 4, 2019
The unanimous Declaration of the united States of America, and when we say America, we don’t mean Canada or Mexico, because those places are full of the wrong kind of people and they are not really America because America is us. And we don’t mean Hawaii and Puerto Rico and Guam because those are islands surrounded by water and not really very American anyway, but Alaska is definitely in. And when we say States we have to exclude California and Western Oregon and Western Washington because they are too liberal and left Congress in a self-righteous huff last week, and New York and Massachusetts and Connecticut are arguing against this Declaration and might refuse to sign it, so we might have to do something unpleasant with them. And then there are all those big cities in otherwise really fine States that are filled with rabble who threaten the upstanding citizenry, so we will have to figure out what is going on there and deal with it. So this is the unanimous Declaration of the really Good People in the really Good States of America who are United in defense of their rights.
When in the course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with others, and by others we mean Indians and Negroes and Arabs and Mexicans or other Hispanics and anybody who doesn’t look White enough, unless maybe they want to be submissive and deferential and not be all scary and threatening and will act like they are White as much as they can, and by others we also mean Muslims and atheists and anybody with a weird non-Christian religion and we are on the fence about Catholics and we are still discussing whether Jews are OK, and then there are all kinds of liberals and tree-hugging environmentalists we don’t think belong in our country, and really chronically poor and sick and homeless people who are just a burden and generally useless, but women are mostly OK as long as they know their place and respect the primacy of men and we especially like Asian women and Eastern European mail order brides but those crazy feminist bitches have to go, and the gays, so we are reasserting our assumption of all the powers of the earth to secure our separate and superior station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature’s entitle us, The God Fearing Christian White Men of America.
We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are not really created equal, there are differences between men, and our Creator made these differences intentionally, and only the Best Men, meaning The God Fearing Christian White Men of America, are endowed by their Creator with certain inalienable rights, that among these are Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness.
To secure these rights and to control the behavior of women, children, and men of lesser status in our eyes, Governments are instituted among men, deriving their powers from God as he invests them in the Best Men and therefore the Best Men are worthy of the loyalty and submission of the governed.
The previous Form of Government in the United States of America established in the 18th Century, became destructive of these ends. It is therefore the right of the Best Men to alter or abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness. Prudence, indeed will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes. When a long train of abuses and usurpations and attacks on the White Christian Culture, which is the bedrock of America, by the rabble who undermine our economy, limit our ability to acquire and retain wealth, commit acts of carnage against us, spread immorality, disrespect our flag and anthem, teach ideas contrary to The Bible, and redistribute the hard-won assets of our society to the unworthy, we declare that these evils are not sufferable, and we will abolish the Forms to which these purveyors of cultural treason have become accustomed.
We, therefore, the Representatives of the united States of America, in General Congress, Assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the Name, and by Authority of the Best Men of these States, solemnly publish and declare a New Order and a New Form of Government. With a firm reliance on the protection of Divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our Lives, our Fortunes, and our sacred Honor.
David H. Reinarz was born in Minneapolis and now lives in Omaha, Nebraska, and he has a BA in Philosophy and Religious Studies from the University of Nebraska, Omaha. Retired from a career as manager of retail professional bicycle shops, he is an alumnus of the 7 Doctors Writers Workshop (2015) and has been writing short stories and poetry since 2015. Dave is the author of two collections: Story City: Ten Short Stories and One Long Story in the Middle (2016) and The Sweet Jesus Trilogy and Other Stories (2017). His books are available in paperback and Kindle on Amazon.com.
Photo credit: Image of John Trumbull’s Declaration of Independence by Purple Communications via a Creative Commons license.