Reparative Therapy
By Dein Sofley
It’s not that there’s anything wrong with you. It’s just that, well, you know … it’s normal to have sexual feelings. Our bodies were made to procreate.
Reproduce.
Have babies.
When you’re married.
It’s just that a man and a woman, they fit together, by design.
See?
A woman provides the egg and a man provides the seed. It’s how God intended it to be.
Yes, Jesus, too.
Well, Mary was a virgin birth.
A virgin is somebody who hasn’t had sex yet.
Sex happens when a man and a woman love each other and they want to make a baby.
Yes, Jesus is God’s son.
No, God doesn’t have sex. Didn’t they teach you anything in Sunday school?
God made Adam out of dust and Eve out of Adam’s rib. “Be fruitful and multiply,” that’s what God said to them.
Do you understand?
You can’t make a baby with two women or two men. You need an egg and a seed.
That’s why I’m here to help you. Me, and your parents, just want what’s best for you. We want you to have a great life.
What you have is a condition.
Yes, it’s kind of like being sick.
No, I don’t have to administer a shot.
We might do some body work and EDMR.
No, it’s not going to hurt.
Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing.
Don’t worry. I’ll explain it to you later. I assure you, it doesn’t hurt.
What?
Oh. The condition’s called SSA. Same Sex Attractions.
But, don’t worry. I can cure you.
Look, there’s a lot of changes happening in your body. You’re just confused about your feelings.
There. There. It’s okay. You’re not alone. We all struggle with sin. What you’re going through is just a moment.
Here. Take a tissue.
You see, this is how you know God loves you. He listened to your prayers.
We’re all here to help you and there’s other people, kids your age, who struggle with the same condition. They can help you, too, through support groups and prayer.
It’s called “SSA.”
No, you’re not born with it.
No, an SSN is a different thing.
You see, sometimes we’re attracted to people for different reasons. Say you like Ashley’s hair or the way Danny laughs.
Okay, well, whose hair do you like?
Fine. Sadie’s hair.
Danny snorts when he laughs?
Okay, so maybe my examples weren’t the best, but you get the idea, right? You don’t have to be gay. It’s probably just adolescent infatuation or maybe you felt alienated at some point in your life.
No, not like Lilandra in X-Men.
I’ve never read Sandman.
Loki’s a shapeshifter, that’s different.
Look, we all seek approval. We all need love and acceptance.
Yes, even Blake. Pray for his salvation.
It’s just that sometimes we don’t get enough from our parents, or we get too much, and our imaginations run riots trying to invent what we lack. What you’re experiencing is a call to come back home to God. It’s a test of faith.
Here, why don’t we start with this worksheet?
No, it’s not a potato.
It’s an iceberg. See, those are waves. That’s the ocean. Down there’s a whole lot of stuff we can’t see. Feelings.
Yeah, sort of like your mom’s five-layered bean dip, I guess. More like … hmmm … has a friend ever wanted to play a different game than you at recess and it made you angry? Well, maybe you felt sad, too, down here, underneath.
That’s the stuff we’re here to find out about, so we can sort out your feelings.
It’ll be okay. I promise. You’ll feel better. Happy. You won’t be gay anymore. Godliness just takes a little work. You’ll be a better Christian, you’ll see. You’ll say, “Thank you Jesus for saving me.”
Dein Sofley teaches refugees English in the sanctuary city of Chicago. She earned her BA from Columbia College and her MFA in fiction from UC Riverside’s low-residency program. Her work has appeared in The Coachella Review, Writers Resist and the upcoming Five on the Fifth.
Westboro Baptist Church photo credit: Travis Wise via a Creative Commons license.
